22 September 2015
Little One
The little one came along a few days before. My little baby prince. I'm going to protect you from this harsh world.
I feel like I have been going through a severe emotional turmoil since he came along. Looking at him, the feeling of love and affection for him swell up in my heart so suddenly. Without realising it, I started hoping that the same miracle will happen to me too. That I will get my own little baby prince.
What is this awkward new feeling? I don't really know. I mean, I know that I don't really get emotionally attached to people. Especially, this fast. So, why I am feeling so much emotions just looking at the little one?
I can't. I know I shouldn't. Getting emotionally attached to people will always backfire you. No matter what it seems like in the beginning. The end is all that matters right? And the end is always the same: they will hurt you. Real bad. And when that happens, you always wish that you never gave them the chance to hurt you in the first place.
Is the hurt worth it? No, I don't think so. And until someone proves me wrong, this will be my belief.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Journey 2.0
17 September 2015
Journey 2.0
Pre-adventure
Another journey. At least this time, it's not going to be for myself only. Main objective: to go deep down with the others. At the same time, I'm hoping that I can talk things out (slightly) and sort out my feelings. Hopefully, this will be more productive than the previous journey. One can only hope... Right?
Post-adventure
Well, that was pretty satisfying. In a way. There were obvious signs that we got a lot closer during the whole trip. I genuinely hope that this kind of friendships can last, especially because it seems that most of us truly need real companions.
Sorting out my feelings? That got to be the greatest bullshit ever. I pretty much got more confused. On the other hand, at least the interaction was not bad. Honestly though, I don't really know if that's a good thing or not. But, oh wells. Like how I always try to reassure myself (and fail horribly), let's just go with the flow alright? Just go with the flow.
One thing is for sure though. I think the line was pretty much made more obvious. Let's just assume that there is no romantic feelings whatsoever from his part. Then, I will just have to suck it all up right? Cos that's the way it roll.
BUT. That is even if I have romantic feelings towards him in the first place. Am I right? Of course, I'm right. So. Now... Do I have those feelings for him or not? Oh, God. I can't even figure myself out. What am I suppose to do right now...
Journey 2.0
Pre-adventure
Another journey. At least this time, it's not going to be for myself only. Main objective: to go deep down with the others. At the same time, I'm hoping that I can talk things out (slightly) and sort out my feelings. Hopefully, this will be more productive than the previous journey. One can only hope... Right?
Post-adventure
Well, that was pretty satisfying. In a way. There were obvious signs that we got a lot closer during the whole trip. I genuinely hope that this kind of friendships can last, especially because it seems that most of us truly need real companions.
Sorting out my feelings? That got to be the greatest bullshit ever. I pretty much got more confused. On the other hand, at least the interaction was not bad. Honestly though, I don't really know if that's a good thing or not. But, oh wells. Like how I always try to reassure myself (and fail horribly), let's just go with the flow alright? Just go with the flow.
One thing is for sure though. I think the line was pretty much made more obvious. Let's just assume that there is no romantic feelings whatsoever from his part. Then, I will just have to suck it all up right? Cos that's the way it roll.
BUT. That is even if I have romantic feelings towards him in the first place. Am I right? Of course, I'm right. So. Now... Do I have those feelings for him or not? Oh, God. I can't even figure myself out. What am I suppose to do right now...
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Journey
15 September 2015
Journey
Pre-adventure
With nothing that reminds me of my identity, I shall embark on my half-day backpacking trip around... Well, Singapore, in general. Doesn't sound much but I hope that I can clear my messed-up mind. Maybe have some kind of deep conversations with my newly-found friend too while I 'm at it.
Note-to-self: Have fun no matter where you end up at.
Post-adventure
Sort-of impromptu backpacking trip done right, alright. Although we did some weird things (eg. played the arcade claw-machine ), at least there is something that will remind me of my times as a troubled youth. Not sure if I would want to remember but I'm hoping that this will be a phase in life that I will proudly look back upon in the future.
Not to mention, we had pretty interesting conversations regarding the responsibilities and stereotypes of a child. Needless to say, I feel like I gained a better insight on why my siblings act pretty angsty sometimes. This newly found feelings of extreme gratefulness for them is too foreign to me though. How long will this feelings last?
Most importantly, I managed to tidy up my messed-up mind. At least, by a bit? Why am I so affected anyways? Not too sure. But one thing IS for sure. The distinct line that they seemed to have drawn between us hurt me bad. Very bad. Was it me? Maybe it was too much to ask for. I'm not too sure. I just know that I'll probably be hurt if I try again. Maybe I should just stop trying... Why am I even so hung up on this? Why am I like this?
Journey
Pre-adventure
With nothing that reminds me of my identity, I shall embark on my half-day backpacking trip around... Well, Singapore, in general. Doesn't sound much but I hope that I can clear my messed-up mind. Maybe have some kind of deep conversations with my newly-found friend too while I 'm at it.
Note-to-self: Have fun no matter where you end up at.
Post-adventure
Sort-of impromptu backpacking trip done right, alright. Although we did some weird things (eg. played the arcade claw-machine ), at least there is something that will remind me of my times as a troubled youth. Not sure if I would want to remember but I'm hoping that this will be a phase in life that I will proudly look back upon in the future.
Not to mention, we had pretty interesting conversations regarding the responsibilities and stereotypes of a child. Needless to say, I feel like I gained a better insight on why my siblings act pretty angsty sometimes. This newly found feelings of extreme gratefulness for them is too foreign to me though. How long will this feelings last?
Most importantly, I managed to tidy up my messed-up mind. At least, by a bit? Why am I so affected anyways? Not too sure. But one thing IS for sure. The distinct line that they seemed to have drawn between us hurt me bad. Very bad. Was it me? Maybe it was too much to ask for. I'm not too sure. I just know that I'll probably be hurt if I try again. Maybe I should just stop trying... Why am I even so hung up on this? Why am I like this?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)