2016
As 2016 comes to an end, it's time to look back and reflect on how much I have grown the past year. Time past by oh so fast and want to remind myself that I will find no reason to look back into the past when there are so much more to look forward to in the present and future! :)
If I were to think about what made me feel really good in 2016, I would say self-discovery. Ignorance
towards my true self, or more like resistance, have been something I lived with for a long time.
Self-discovery can mean so many things, from finding my reason to live and revealing whatever and whoever shaped me to who I am now. It is all about realizing and coming to terms with my beliefs and values and living by them. No doubt, this journey that I have embarked on with much anticipation took on a huge toll on me. So much fear, confusion, reluctance, doubt. The realizations that followed were what made those moments worth it. The changes I made to my life so that I love myself for who I am and get what I deserve will be something I will be very grateful for til the moment I die. My journey since then has seen me cut people
out of my life. I never realized how draining and painful one-sided
relationships could be. The changes that I have made changed my outlook of my life and I am now more confident to start to follow my true passion and purpose because I am not defined by others. Instead, I started to look within for answers. Pretty hard to do, because I have to dig all the way downnnnnnn to understand what I really want (and that is how I understood that I do not know myself well). I have had may set backs along the way and am sure that there will be more to come. Nonetheless, this journey has been worth it and I will continue on.
I became more aware of my
feelings and am understanding myself better. What I know for
sure is that I have been very hard on myself. I
have not been truthful with myself about what I want. I have had unrealistic expectations about myself, setting myself up for disappointment. I have been so fixated on becoming someone I am not. Eventually, it became too exhausting for me. No matter where I go or who I went to, it did not help because I felt so victimised by all that has happened. Now that I started working on
accepting the facts and acknowledging my
feelings, I am not suppressing the feelings I have anymore. When I come to terms with it, there comes
a sense of freedom like no other. Not physically nor mentally, but just that feeling of being content with myself. I learnt to be okay with it and not allow it to
control me or define who I am. But facing these internal insecurities released so much fear in me. But that fear... I am willing to face. I held myself back in so many ways that I do not want to continue letting it
have a strangle hold on my life. I want to feel the freedom within myself.
No doubt, 2016 have been rough, but it made me realised a lot of things and for that, I am more than grateful. It has been a while since I felt so free. No more pain. No more hurt(ing). No more harming. Just me and freedom.
Because I have decided to life my life for myself. I will focus on myself and trust my instincts.
Because I have decided to life my life for myself. I will focus on myself and trust my instincts.
"Some of the hardship we experience is caused by the strain of resisting the truth, Embrace the truth to relieve the pressure."
