2016
As 2016 comes to an end, it's time to look back and reflect on how much I have grown the past year. Time past by oh so fast and want to remind myself that I will find no reason to look back into the past when there are so much more to look forward to in the present and future! :)
If I were to think about what made me feel really good in 2016, I would say self-discovery. Ignorance
towards my true self, or more like resistance, have been something I lived with for a long time.
Self-discovery can mean so many things, from finding my reason to live and revealing whatever and whoever shaped me to who I am now. It is all about realizing and coming to terms with my beliefs and values and living by them. No doubt, this journey that I have embarked on with much anticipation took on a huge toll on me. So much fear, confusion, reluctance, doubt. The realizations that followed were what made those moments worth it. The changes I made to my life so that I love myself for who I am and get what I deserve will be something I will be very grateful for til the moment I die. My journey since then has seen me cut people
out of my life. I never realized how draining and painful one-sided
relationships could be. The changes that I have made changed my outlook of my life and I am now more confident to start to follow my true passion and purpose because I am not defined by others. Instead, I started to look within for answers. Pretty hard to do, because I have to dig all the way downnnnnnn to understand what I really want (and that is how I understood that I do not know myself well). I have had may set backs along the way and am sure that there will be more to come. Nonetheless, this journey has been worth it and I will continue on.
I became more aware of my
feelings and am understanding myself better. What I know for
sure is that I have been very hard on myself. I
have not been truthful with myself about what I want. I have had unrealistic expectations about myself, setting myself up for disappointment. I have been so fixated on becoming someone I am not. Eventually, it became too exhausting for me. No matter where I go or who I went to, it did not help because I felt so victimised by all that has happened. Now that I started working on
accepting the facts and acknowledging my
feelings, I am not suppressing the feelings I have anymore. When I come to terms with it, there comes
a sense of freedom like no other. Not physically nor mentally, but just that feeling of being content with myself. I learnt to be okay with it and not allow it to
control me or define who I am. But facing these internal insecurities released so much fear in me. But that fear... I am willing to face. I held myself back in so many ways that I do not want to continue letting it
have a strangle hold on my life. I want to feel the freedom within myself.
No doubt, 2016 have been rough, but it made me realised a lot of things and for that, I am more than grateful. It has been a while since I felt so free. No more pain. No more hurt(ing). No more harming. Just me and freedom.
Because I have decided to life my life for myself. I will focus on myself and trust my instincts.
Because I have decided to life my life for myself. I will focus on myself and trust my instincts.
"Some of the hardship we experience is caused by the strain of resisting the truth, Embrace the truth to relieve the pressure."
No comments:
Post a Comment