Friday, February 26, 2016

Friends

24 February 2016
Friends

"Friends". Such ambiguity compacted into just this one word.
Somehow, I feel like your words about this term hold some truth. Expectations changes and what we used to consider as qualities associated with "friends" then may not be the same today. Probably due to our changing needs. Or simply because humans are complex and largely unpredictable creatures.

At the moment, I crave for soul connnection. This might have been an innate craving but I suppressed it for so long I mistook it as... Non-existent. But now, it's inevitable. I need to connect, to form bonds to the deepest soul level possible, something that will never disapper even when we do. Something that is hard to achieve but worth hoping for...

But working towards such goals involves some sort of risk-taking. Am I really willing to do so? Display of affection is very hard for me. In fact, just the mere thought of possibly becoming dependent on someone else, a perishable figure, is frightening. What is worse is that affection may not always be a mutual thing. I can love you with all my heart but you may hate me with all of yours, without me knowing. That scares me a lot.



Am I in search of THE friend or THE friendship?

Monday, February 15, 2016

Puzzle

15 February 2016
Puzzle

I don't really know. I honestly am not sure of what I expect from this. I mean, it doesn't really matter to me if others find out about this or not. There is no meaning to this being found out.

Is this an attempt to what they call 'self-discovery'? Since, I did and will still continue to write about some of my random thoughts and feelings about life, in general. 

Whatever it is. I hope to find that out. What really started all of this. And what is driving me to continue this. It could be the key to solving the puzzle. My life puzzle.

One thing is for sure though. I hope that this will be able to last forever. To laugh, smile or cry about the things that I thought about and were (or are) concerned about. So that I can see myself grow. So I have something to remember myself by. So that I can find and solve myself. Myself who is unknown to the world. Myself who is unknown to those who know me. Myself who is unknown to me. Myself...