Book Review: The House We Grew Up In
17 September 2018
Synopsis
This book explores the dynamics of a family, looking through a lens that makes readers realize the fragility of family, a place where you grow and mature and learn about your own values and beliefs and think about your future. Many issues are raised throughout this book as the characters travel through time to realize that there was so many things that went wrong, only to be addressed many many years later. The change in Lorelei's and Colin's attitude towards one another as their love falters, the rediscovery and re-experiencing of love with someone else, the unspoken jealousy (and possible rivalry, depending on how you see it) between siblings, the guilt everyone carried for years, even if they did not realise. This book is all about the journey of acceptance and love for family regardless of who they are and what they do, how the Bird family moves beyond the secrets and lies that existed.
“...maybe I’ll end up doing something else unconventional. Who knows. And I really hope that if I do, and as long as I’m not hurting anyone or doing anything, like, illegal, that everyone would accept it, you know, just carry on loving me anyway.” - Meg
Lorelei's Story
In a book that looks into the complicated dynamics of family, whereby so many different lives are intertwined, many will have conflicting opinions about who the main character/ main focus of the story. As much as everyone had a part to play in the Bird family journey towards accepting what have had happened, I choose to believe that Lorelei played a major role in putting the rest of the Bird Family in a situation that called for a confrontation with the past.
As a person, Lorelei is very complex. Throughout the entire book, and as especially as seen through the eyes of others, it is evident that she holds dearly her own values and beliefs, though these parts of her were not explored in more detail (so maybe she is not the main character, who knows). Nonetheless, it is clear that she holds the strong mindset to provide her children the best, with what she experienced during her childhood as the standard - no go. As such, readers will find that she have a very idealistic idea of family, especially in terms of family events during special occasions like Easter. Though this mindset is a constant reminder to be the best mother that she can be, there are hints of her being constantly reminded of her negative childhood experience, an experience that she chooses to run away from and refuses to acknowledge have had happen to her. On the positive note, it did help her become a better mother than her mother was (from her perspective), providing her children with fun activities that she never was able to experience. However, it is evident that she became too fixated on having the perfect Bird family that she failed to see the hints of imperfection, that could have been embraced and accepted. She was oblivious to the imperfection of the Bird family, and soon everything started to go wrong and she starts to wonder - what did she do wrong?
"You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole -- like the world, or the person you loved."
- Stewart O'Nan, The Odd: A Love Story
"You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole -- like the world, or the person you loved."
- Stewart O'Nan, The Odd: A Love Story
Now, everyone says the end is the start of a new beginning. Lorelei's end, her death was the start of the new beginning for the Bird family.
“I know as well as you do that only the individual has the key to change themselves. It’s buried deep inside each and every one of us and although someone else can help us to find the key, we’re the only ones who can use it.” - Lorelei
Yes, everyone had a part to play to how the story developed from the start to the end. That is the beauty of this story. The realisation of how the Bird family fell apart, it was a pity that Lorelei realised after so many years. And she kept it to herself. Perhaps it was shame at her failures to see what was going on, to stop and realise how humane the Birds were, to realise that no family is perfect. Perhaps it was her attempt at confronting the situation, but knowing that she did not play a significant part in any of the Bird family lives anymore, she could not. Perhaps, she still wanted to believe that the Bird family was perfect, and she was to be appreciated for her contributions. Perhaps.
Ending Note
This book is a good reminder that no family is perfect. What is perfect though, is the love and acceptance that we can have for others, regardless of who they were, who they are, and who they will be.
“Have a big enough heart to love unconditionally, and a broad enough mind to embrace the differences that make each of us unique."
- D.B. Harrop
In a world that is imperfect, I can only hope for us to have a big enough heart to embrace who were are and who everyone else is.
- D.B. Harrop
In a world that is imperfect, I can only hope for us to have a big enough heart to embrace who were are and who everyone else is.
