Guide

25 January 2016

Guide

Sometimes, I wonder... Is that it? I know I want to see others progress but what about myself? It's as if I am more than willing to guide others towards the light but I, myself, am left with the darkness. 

I feel at peace when people pour everything about themselves to me. All that I have to do is dig through and fix the right pieces back together. And with that, they are already on the way towards the light. This feeds my fiery soul and make me feel more alive than I actually am.

It is different with me though. I can't seem to understand myself. I am like a living paradox. I don't know myself. Others seem to understand and know me better and so, I learn about myself through others. But I find the need to solve myself less important than the need to solve others. Not only for myself to understand them, but for them to understand themselves. It is as if I have given up on being understood and moving towards the light. Instead, I prioritise understanding others and moving them towards the light.

Honestly though. I don't really dread or am afraid of living with the darkness. It's seems not bad of a choice to live with the darkness instead of moving forward towards the light.

Maybe. Just maybe. I am hoping for someone to do the sane for me. To feel the need to understand me. To feel the need to move me towards the light. To feel the need to make me a human. But til then, my soul will be wandering. Guiding the lost ones until I find my own guide.

Mask

5 January 2016
Mask

Looking back at how I spend my time in school since Day 1, I wonder where my courage came from. The mask that I wore to school... The mask that I forced people to see me as. The mask that was never truly me.

Now that things happenned, I am sortof glad that I can at least be myself. I found myself being able to putting away the mask. And for that, I am proud of it.

Not only that, I found myself unknowingly able to let other see into me. At least, in front of some. And for that, I am thankful for them. Genuinely.

I do not have to be so fake anymore just so I feel well-liked. Because honestly speaking, that was not who I am. 

That mask was not me.